Lessons Learned.

Hey! I have an idea! I'll start a blog in May, write two posts, and then stop posting for over six months! But no one is perfect. Including me. Especially me.

But here I am! It's almost 2014 and a time for new beginnings, new commitments, and new blog posts.

In all honesty I forgot this blog was here and attempted to start a new one, then realized that setting all this blog shit up is super hard and time consuming and ain't nobody got time fo dat! Phew, good thing this blog was already set up and ready to rock and roll.

I suppose I should play a little game of catch-up. Y'know, since I haven't written since May and all.

This was an interesting year for me. Also, have you ever noticed how people use the word "interesting" as a super nice guise for other words like "awful" and "hellish" and "shitty?" Okay, so this year wasn't THAT terribly bad, but it did feel like a bit of a roller coaster, full of really high times and super low times as well. So before I start posting about fresh starts and new resolutions and shiny new goals that haven't been tarnished and trampled yet, I'm going to talk a bit about six major lessons I've learned from 2013. Here goes.

Lesson the First: I don't want to be a homemaker anymore.

Okay, so that's not entirely true. I've grown up in a culture where you're either a working woman/mother (hiss!) or you're a stay-at-home wife and mother who spends her entire day caring for her brood, cleaning her house, and cooking for her family (yay!). It hasn't been until very recently that I've learned that I can, in fact, be both. I've been working since July and have recently started a new job that I love; one that can jump-start me into an actual, real-life, professional career. Though it's been quite the transition to get through, I feel so... refreshed. I feel like I am a more balanced person and I feel like my husband and I are now truly equal partners. We both contribute to our family financially, take equal responsibility for maintaining the house, helping with the kids, and cooking meals. It's busy and chaotic and stressful sometimes, but it's also magical. And I love it.

Lesson the Second: Living with other people is fun. And hard. And we probably won't do it again for quite some time.

For seven out of the twelve months this year we had other people living in our house. We had a roommate for a little over a month, then my mom moved in for a couple of months, and then a friend and her two kids lived with us for almost five months. In every case we were more than happy to offer our home to those we love, but there are always complications when you live with people who aren't your immediate family. I know we aren't the easiest people to live with either. At all. Like not even a little bit. We had some great times as well though, and it was actually a little weird getting back to having just us and our munchkins in the house. Now I almost feel like we need to downsize because we have too much room. Everything is relative, I suppose.

Lesson the Third: Sometimes close relationships aren't meant to last.

I've made a lot of mistakes this year. I've permanently damaged relationships that I know now will never heal. Not completely, anyway. And maybe they shouldn't heal. Maybe sometimes the point of going through difficult experiences with people you love is that you learn more about yourself, about what you want in life, about how to grow some balls and stand up for yourself. And then you part ways and wish each other well. Though there's a very good chance that I've irreparably hurt some very good people, I also hope that in some way I was able to help them along their life path. Fingers crossed.

Lesson the Fourth: Life is just one big game of "The Domino Effect." 

One thing leads to another, which leads to something else, which lands you in a place you never imagined you'd be with people you never imagined you'd meet. It's a really incredible thing. It's fun to watch, and it makes me wonder where I'll be heading next. Isn't life just one big, crazy, unpredictable adventure??

Lesson the Fifth: Karma is a bitch. But only if you're an asshole. 

Though I've done a lot of damage this year, I've also tried my hardest to help out those I love where I can. Some of that help came in the form of support and a shoulder to cry on; some came in the form of a simple distraction from life, whether it was a drink, a laugh, or a long talk over a hot cup of coffee; some of that support came in monetary form. I'm in no way mentioning this as a way to brag or make myself look better than I really am; I'm talking about it because I firmly believe that all that "good energy" has come back to me. And then some. I was offered a lucrative job that I still feel I don't deserve, made some incredible friends who are so loving and supportive, and I feel like for the most part I'm in a much better place than I was a year ago. Karma is a fascinating thing.

Lesson the Sixth: I get to choose my family. 

As an active member of the PostMormon community in Utah, I've listened to so many heartbreaking stories about good people who have been shamed and rejected by their own family. Parents no longer talk to their children; children no longer speak to their parents; siblings are cut off from each other; spouses file for divorce on the sole basis that their companion has chosen a path they find unacceptable. I've seen these people weep and worry and I've seen the loneliness that overwhelms and consumes them. I've been relatively fortunate in this area, which is nice. That said, I've learned a really valuable lesson about the definition of "family" and what it is and is not. Family are people who fully and completely accept the person you are and want you to be happy, regardless of whether or not your lifestyle mirrors theirs. They don't judge you or try to change you or send you off on ridiculous and unnecessary guilt trips. Life is too short to spend with people who relentlessly make you feel bad about yourself, regardless of whether or not you share the same genetic makeup and last name.

Phew, that was quite a list. And 2013 was quite a year.

It was a year of personal change and reflection, of exciting new adventures and heartbreak, of excitement and a tinge of regret. And I am so. fucking. glad. it's. over.

So here's to lessons learned, to new friends and past relationships, to parties and reckless abandon, to tears and confusion, to losing sleep for good reasons and not so good reasons, to holding on and letting go.

I'm anxious to see what 2014 has in store. Let's do this.